Some words

I must have read the opening paragraph of that last blog entry a thousand times now, and I truly hate it. Where did that cheesy run down of the weather come from? Guess I just didn’t know where to begin – got there in the end though. Trouble is it’s been hard to come back to the blog since then.

It’s the age-old blog problem (if anything blog related can be described as “age-old”?) that the more personal you get the more of a can of worms you seem to have released. Admittedly, I’ve gone down the fairly personal route before, but an obituary is a step beyond my usual rambling about the mortifying consequences of the last party I went to.

I’ve tried to come back to it and write like I used to but it hasn’t been possible until just now. Every time I looked at the existing homepage I just thought, “how can I take it down? How can I write over it with the inane shit that usually gets posted up here?”.

I had to eventually – even if all I’m really saying this time is that I’m back. Or I think I am, I’m hoping once I start the momentum will return and it won’t be another 3 months before I try to write something again.

There is another problem of course. I’m not quite living the life I was when the more anecdotal blogs seemed to be coming so easy. Sofa surfing and doing jobs that more or less encouraged staying up all night, drinking the best part of a bottle of Plymouth gin and writing bullshit for hours. The potential consequences are still the same but I am finding myself a little held back by this new and strange sensation of not actually wanting to lose my job.

That hasn’t stopped all of the deviant behaviour, it’s just reined it in to a greater extent than before. Is this growing up? Or just a change of priorities that means that scheduling has to play a greater role in one’s work / life balance?

Whichever it is, I’ve not mastered it yet. I’ve found myself holding back from drinking on nights that are perfectly timed and located for a bender that would never have any real come back but then going out with colleagues and getting smashed!? Why? Because it’s always been the way with me, that if there is an inappropriate course of action open to me, it will invariably be more attractive than the alternative.

Anyway, the point of this little window into my latest neurosis is that the same kind of goes for the blog. In the past, I worked hard to ignore my fear of people actually reading this. It took months for me to start writing about things that I knew didn’t always show me in the best light, but in the interests of truth and frankly a good story, I included, well more alluded to, them anyway.

Now, even if I were to persist with that pathetic way in which I try to dress my sad little life up as an ironic farce, it might not really be appropriate to have my name on it. I mean, I’m not actually Hunter S Thompson, sadly. I’m an editorial assistant on a load of B2Bs – there’s really no room for Gonzo journalism there…again, sadly. Nah – it’s all a bit real life now really.

So what’s the blog going to be? It needs to change, it needs a new identity or I might get tempted to write something inappropriate. I might end up going down in social media history as one of those hideous morons that have been sacked for saying something not only retarded, but professionally unforgivable, and then have to skulk back into the cosy safety of writing from a window seat in the Almeida. Actually, that doesn’t sound so bad? NO!

So…today, the maddest thing happened, I got up and went to work, and then came home again. I’m doing it tomorrow too!